Full Immersion nel Megalomanismo » Blog Archive » I’ve felt kind of caged lately..

I’ve felt kind of caged lately..

Before starting, I would like to say that today I decided to write an English post because I’ve noticed that some of my International friends who read my blog are finding challeging to follow everything I write. Considering also, that today I was in front of my laptop for about an hour and I couldn’t find anything to write at all and now that I just started to write in English I can figure out how to write my thoughts down, I picked English as the language for this post.

It’s been a while I feel different about staying here at the Grave’s House. It’s been a while I feel like to try something different and move out somewhere else, maybe with some other students. I remember that at the really beginning of my experience I didn’t feel this way. It used to be very nice being here: I’ve always felt more than comfortable, most of the students who lived here were nice people to live with and the relation with Judy and Charlie has always been more than satisfactory. Obviously in a little more than an year I encountered some problems but the whole picture resulted to be better than what I was expecting. I felt this way until a few days ago when I changed my mind.

Right now the only students here are me and Sachiko, a girl from Japane who barely speak English even though I have to admit she’s improved very quickly since her first day here. Even though she is trying very hard, It’s very annoying to think that lately she is the only person who I can talk with. Another thing I can’t stand is how Judy behaves with me sometimes. She thinks I’m her little puppy that has to be feeded and cleaned. She really acts like I’m twelve and the worst thing is that I can’t do anything because all she does is meant to be good and helpful. Sometimes I think that my unconscious wants to be treated like this, the problem is that I don’t really like it. I don’t know if you are still following what I’m saying… But these, of course, are not the Major reasons I wanna leave even though they help a lot. I’m twenty years old and I feel I should start to think about me in a different way. I’ve been always the one pampered by the parents and now I’m in America pampered by my host parents. I don’t want this. I don’t really feel twenty years old. Even though most of the time it is kind of convenient, I don’t wanna keep living like this.

Unfortunately, right now I can’t move out because of many reasons, but as soon as I’ll be able to do it I will. I already know how my family is going to react about all this story. “You are twenty Francesco, you have all your life in front of you, and, as soon as you are done with the school you can do whatever you want but now you need to focus on your studies”. This is correct. Respect for my parent’s suggestions. But I also think that move out by myself and try to live a different lifestyle for an year is something I can handle and at last but not least important something that I gotta try now that I have the opportunity. In less than six moths I’ll get a certificate which will allow me to work legally in the US. As soon as I get this certificate I could work like three days a week and make enough money to pay the difference. I will need to think about it. I really feel I have to do it. I don’t want to be under the rules of anybody in the place where a live and most important I wanna taste what means live alone.

When it will be the time I’ll make the move.

6 Responses to “I’ve felt kind of caged lately..”

  1. Papà

    I agree.
    “You are only twenty Francesco, you have all your life in front of you, and as soon as possible you can do whatever you want but now you need to focus on your studies”.
    And please remember always what you promised. Don’t forget .

  2. LuigiGianluigi

    Hi man!
    I’m very glad to see you wrote these thoughts about you and Grave’s house.
    I’m writin’ in English (maybe I’m only trying to), so I will support the cause of your Invisible English Friends. ns58 (I.E.F.)
    I understand you completely. I moved from home for theese reasons too, even if there were something more.
    So, I cannot unapprove this decision. ns17
    But I absolutely advice you to do not take a job. Don’t work, man!
    I think that if you take a job now, you’ll maybe be happier, sure you’ll be more indipendent, but i think you’ll have more n’ more problems in studying.
    Trust me, I tell u this only cause this year I worked part time and, even if I didn’t come home tired after work, I couldn’t study. After I was workin’, comin’ home, I had the thought to had finished my own job. But I hadn’t only to work, but even to read, study, and going to courses. So, because I Couldn’t sacrifice my job if i want not to get fired, I sacrified all the rest, every time.
    ns4 So, in the end, after your daddy’s, there’s my advice, even if I don’t know your monetary situation: Go away from Grave’s home, be lonely as a worm, free like a bird, but do it in a way that permits you to live (honestly) without working. So, even if you won’t buy anything than an ice-cream for month (Yeah, even on January, what a lux ns15 ), you’ll be able to study hard.
    Da strenght of survive you have to use, young padawan. Yeah! Poveri e Belli!! ns22

  3. The Californian

    What a nice thing to see, find a comment from LuigiGianluigi in super correct English.. Congrats immaginary American friend!!!
    Btw (by the way), now I will think about it, coming possibly to a sensible conclusion. I already got some other impressions about all of this, from other people close to me, and they helped very much even though this wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.
    Thanks a lot Luigi for your suggestion and I hope you are having a nice last day of the year!!!

  4. Frost

    io avrei piazzato delle parole a caso verso meta del testo per vedere quante persone lo leggevano tutto, refrigerator lego banana hobo iper bip bip godfather, per esempio.
    la tua nuova room mate si chiama come il cane del film, che tra l’altro è una star in giappone, ha pure una statua… è un po come se tu ti chiamassi Lessie o Rex o RinTinTin… fa riflettere…
    detto questo non scriverò niente di serio per rimanere coerente al resto dei miei messaggi.

  5. LuigiGianluigi

    Frost, sei un grande.

    Quote from The Californian:
    ‘I already got some other impressions about all of this, from other people close to me, and they helped very much even though this wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for.”

    Brainwashin’?? ns22 I hope not!! CU!

  6. The Californian

    @ Frost: Hahaha… Mi hai fatto ridere rumorosamente per piu’ o meno 30 secondi! ns22
    @ LuigiGianluigi: some sort of.. not quite though.. they made me understand about some things.. which I didn’t think about before..

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